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Speak Up

Dear Jay,

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My husband and I enjoy your columns. We have had lively discussion with friends regarding napkins and seating arrangements. I have three questions. First, how should one answer the telephone at one's home? And how should employees be instructed to answer a business phone? Thirdly, shouldn't one announce who is making the phone call? I find it disconcerting when I have no idea to whom I'm speaking. Thank you, Jay.

Yours truly, V.R.

Dear V.R.,

Thanks for asking these good questions. At home, one should answer the telephone with an enthusiastic "hello." The tone of one's voice says a lot about your frame of mind. Even if you're not in a good mood, inject warmth into your voice. It makes others feel good. If you can't manage to do this, which some people just can't, then let the answering machine take the call.

If the call is for someone else, refrain from shouting out the person's name if they are in another room or on another floor. It's rude and upsetting to others who can hear you. For that matter, if you need to speak with someone who is visually out of sight and likely out of earshot, get up and go to that person. If someone does that to me, I don't answer. Call me old-fashioned, but it was not tolerated in my household when I was growing up.

To teach children good telephone manners you must understand them yourself. It's kind of like men or women wearing hats (or baseball caps or toques) indoors. How are children to learn that's wrong, if you don't teach by example?

Answering telephones is a serious situation. While wearing a hat inside the house is just bad manners, children can give out way too much information to strangers who call. I remember calling a friend's house once. The house-sitter answered and told me my friend and his wife would be away for a week. I had not identified myself, and had I been a thief, I would have been able to stage a robbery. Moreover, if small children are at home, a kidnapping could take place. I know this sounds alarmist, but this stuff happens and it is extremely important to teach your children at an early age what to say.

Apologize if you dial a wrong number, don't eat or drink while speaking on the phone as the sounds are magnified, and turn down the radio or TV when answering a call for the same reason. Keep a note pad and pencil by each phone for messages. Make sure to return any calls within 24 hours. And if you do not want to answer the telephone for whatever reason, do not.

At the office, the protocol is somewhat different. Still, a cheery voice gives a good impression of your company. You never know when it might be a first-time caller. It helps to smile when you answer the phone. Generally, an enthusiastic "hello" is not sufficient. It is much better to answer with "Windsor House, Jay speaking" or "Good afternoon, the Windsor House." Recorded greetings which direct you somewhere else are annoying. We all really want to get a live person on the wire. Telephone companies, banks and credit card companies are notorious for this.

If you are an executive assistant, be sure to use an honorific (Mr., Dr. or Ms.) before the person's name. For example, say, "Dr. Smith's office, Ms. Jones speaking." This gives the proper dignity due the person being phoned. When calling, feel free to leave a complicated message if the secretary is capable. Some corporations have highly skilled executive secretaries who can move heaven and earth. Establishing working relationships with these individuals can be incredibly helpful in conducting future business.

In answer to your third question, yes, it is necessary to identify yourself when you place a call. It is frustrating to carry on a conversation with someone only to realize you have the wrong person on the other end of the line. Being mindful of another's time is also courteous; ask if it is a good time to talk.

In any event, be sure to be civil on the phone. Never raise your voice or lose your temper. This is a sure-fire way to lose a client or a contact. I find a pleasant phone call can make my day. One that goes on and on can have the opposite effect. Showing respect for one another is the name of the game.

Jay Remer is certified by the Protocol School of Washington as a consultant for corporate etiquette and international protocol. He lives in St. Andrews. E-mail your etiquette questions to jay@etiquetteguy.com and visit his website at www.etiquetteguy.com.